When I Am Weak...

“I delight myself in you, captivated by your beauty. I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed by you. God I run into your arms, unashamed because of mercy. I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed by you.”

      That is the best way to describe this last week. I don't even know where to start. God is opening up my mind to so much more of who He is than He ever has, and it truly is overwhelming. He has poured His love, joy, peace, mercy, comfort, and so many other things on me. He is such a good Father. At the beginning of this week, I was nervous because I had it set in my mind that it was going to be a really difficult week. We were told we would have more intense classes and longer days, so I was expecting to be exhausted. But God used it as a chance to teach me so much! It was like He said, “You think this is going to be a rough week? Well let me prove to you how much I can sustain you. Here's all the joy and energy you need!” We did have longer days. We did have longer and more intense classes. But when we are weak, HE IS STRONG! I woke up every morning feeling so refreshed and joyful and ready for the day. I lived this verse this week... “But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 So I just want to give Jesus so much glory! He has displayed His power in my weakness, and He deserves every single ounce of credit.

       On Sunday when I first woke up, I was feeling pretty tired and a little down, and just not excited for the day. But by the time breakfast was over, it was a complete turnaround in my heart. I can't explain it, I just felt like something was carrying me, and I know it was God. Satan tried to get at me, but he failed miserably! Every day is a battle, and I have had so much victory. There was definitely a battle going on in my heart that morning. I was trying so hard to choose joy, but at first I was not succeeding. I felt like Paul, in Romans 7:15 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” I didn't want to be down, I wanted to choose joy! But it was such a struggle. Paul continues is verses 24-25: “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!” I just love the contrast of those two verses. And then comes chapter 8, one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. Paul just gets so excited! He starts with how we have been set free from sin and death, and how we are controlled by the Spirit. He continues and talks about Heaven and how “our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (verse 18) And then he keeps building, talking about the Spirit interceding for us when we are too weak to pray, and “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (verse 31), and then he gets all excited about God raising Christ from the dead. And then he ends the chapter with such an amazing truth... “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (verses 37-39) So pretty much, WE HAVE VICTORY! And it was nothing I did to receive it on Sunday. It was all Jesus. He filled me with His joy and gave me everything I needed. He sustained me through the entire day, and all the glory goes to Him. This has been the theme of the entire trip: Me getting discouraged or just feeling down, and then God doing all the work to fill me with joy and energy. 

     

       I led devotions last night for our group of internationals, and I was talking about going through hard situations. When God takes me through challenges, or things that I really can't do on my own, I become so much more effective, because everything I do has to be done through God's strength and not my own. When I love people with God's love instead of my own, it makes such a bigger impact, and then He gets all the glory. Allowing myself to be stretched not only helps me grow, but also allows me to be more of a blessing to those around me. 

      I remember at the end of January, I was talking with my dad and was telling him that I had already learned a ton, why couldn't God just bring me home then? What more could possibly teach me? But now, almost two months later, I wouldn't traded all of these experiences for anything. He has taught me so much more than I ever could have imagined. I'm tempted to say the same thing again...why can't God just bring me home now? I have already learned so much! But I know He has even more in store, and my work here is not yet done. So I will keep relying on Him to strengthen me and sustain me. I will keep pressing into Him. I will keep seeking His will every day. And all the glory goes to HIM. 

      I don't take all your prayers for granted. I would not be where I am without everyone who is praying for me. So thank you, thank you, thank you! Please continue to pray that I will let Him carry me through everything, and that I will truly love people with His love. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen."
-Ephesians 3:20-21

     

Just a Glimpse

I was sitting in a taxi on the way back to Watoto Church Central on Sunday, after serving at one of the other celebration points, when I noticed two young girls weaving their way through the traffic. They were probably about 10 and 12 years old, and one of them saw me through the window and just came right up and put her hands on the glass and was waving at me. What did she want? I don't know. I waved back and our taxi kept moving, past so many people and places. So many stories. So much joy, so much heartbreak. Every day as I pass the same places and see different people going about their lives, I wish I could capture everything in a picture, but it's difficult to do from a moving vehicle. So on our way home last night, I had my phone out and my eyes peeled, and I took note of a bunch of different things I saw. I want to let you into my world a little, so here is the list...

Goats eating green grass on the edge of a hill by the road
A Blur of brown roofs and green trees against a blue sky
Worn posters on every flat surface
Building that are halfway finished
A group of children playing soccer on a dirt field
A man sitting under an umbrella with a pile of mangos in front of him
Worn Clothes hanging on lines all over
A woman balancing a large pile of folded clothes on her head as she walks along the road
Garbage spilling over the side of a hill
A gate around a house with barbed wire all along the top
A street lined with clothes, shoes, matoke, backpacks, potatoes, pineapple, hats, and all sorts of fruit and veggies
"Airtime" and  "mobile money" signs everywhere!
Makeshift umbrellas over roadside businesses to keep the sun off
Taxis stuffed as full as they can be with people
A boda boda with chickens hanging off ever side
Papyrus fields galore
A boda boda with an umbrella
A bright green Toyota car in the middle of poverty
A young boy carrying a box on his head and things around his neck to sell
A man working on shaping the head of a bed
Bed frames lining the road
The bed of a truck overflowing with pineapples
A man riding on top of a truck, filled with cows
Boda boda guys lined up, having a casual conversation
Random piles of bricks and rocks
Beautiful, elaborate metal doors for sale
A stork flying high in the sky
Two men washing a car with water from jerry cans and and sponges
A woman on a mat in the middle of her yard, just sitting
Coca cola banners above the entrance to a supermarket
"2,900 UG shillings for a liter of gas"
Sideless barns full of lumber
Shop after shop with the most random things for sale: lawn chairs, backpack, flower pots, shovels, mattresses
Purple and blue metal bunk bed frames
White manikins with African clothes
A line of cars slowing down because of the many speed bumps
Cars whizzing by "Stop, police check" signs
A man with a stack of 4 square (8 by 8) egg cartons balanced on his head
A pile of jeans, 5 feet high at least
Shops with bars at the entrance so no one can enter, just order from outside
Random hills that just seem to pop up everywhere
A boda boda driver with a winter coat on in HOT weather (over 80 degrees)
Men working in Small Gardens along the road
A single boy breakdancing in the middle of a soccer field
A cow tied to a rope eating grass
A field of lined up bricks
Clothes laying in the grass to dry in the sun
A goat nibbling on grass by a pile of bricks
Brick walls that look like they don't serve any purpose
A man with dress pants and a button up shirt, walking to the beat coming from his headphones

This is only a small glimpse of what I see every day. It is so different from home, but even in the midst of the drastic differences, GOD NEVER CHANGES. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, no matter where we go. This week He has been teaching me so much about His love for me, and my love for Him. He has shown me that literally, everything I do, I should do out of love for Him. He is overwhelming me with His love and joy, and it's truly amazing. I am learning so much about life and love and contentment and true joy. It's incredible. God is so good!

Home Sweet Home

There is something so special about HOME. Home is where we feel safe and comfortable. Home is something that I am longing for. Uganda is not my home. I am a stranger here, and it is very evident! People stare at me because it is so obvious that I don't belong here. Even though this is not where I belong, I am still living here for the time being. I live in a house with my international family, and every day we come “home”. God is doing to many incredible things, and I know I am right where He wants me to be. He has made it so clear that this trip is part of His plan for me and I am learning so much, but there is a constant void in my heart. I have a deep longing for my true home and for being where I belong. I long for my culture and just simply familiarity. I long for all the feelings that being home brings. Despite the longing, I am still filled with God's joy! He is so faithful and always gives me strength to carry on each day. In my obedience, He is right by my side. God has helped me with living in the now, and making the most of each day here, and not just “getting through it” and wishing it away. At the same time, there is always a pull in my heart toward home, even when I feel like I am fully present here.

As I work through all my feelings and emotions, I can't help but think about how great of an analogy this is:

"My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." -Psalm 84:2

“But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.” -Philippians 3:20

“I am a stranger on earth, do not hide your commands from me.”

 -Psalm 119:19

“For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed, but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.”

-2 Corinthians 5:5

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” -John 14:1-3

The way I feel when I long for my home in Big Rapids, Michigan, is the way I want to feel about heaven. This is not where I belong. I am not home, no matter where I am on this earth. I know deep down that I belong in heaven, but I want to live every day with that knowledge at the front of my mind. I want it to be evident to people around me that this is not where I belong, and that my home is somewhere else.

While I'm in Uganda, I know that God has me here for a purpose. I know that this is part of His perfect plan, and so I am striving to live each day to advance His kingdom and bring glory to Him. At the same time, I would be overjoyed if for some reason I felt Him calling me to go back home. In the same way, while I'm on this earth, I know that God has me here for a purpose and I want to live each day to advance His kingdom and bring glory to Him. But also, at the same time, I want to live in anticipation of heaven and of Jesus' second coming...

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 3:14

“But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness.” -2 Peter 3:13

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” -Colossians 3:1-4

So as I continue to live in a place where I don't belong, God is teaching me that it is not wrong to long for home. It's actually something that He has instilled in me. Living in another country and in a different culture has been so eye-opening for me and really shows me how I should feel all the time! Heaven is going to be so much better than our imaginations can even begin to comprehend. So all we can do is trust God's perfect plan and believe His word.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'” -Revelation 21:1-5

“Behold, I will create a new heaven and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.” -Isaiah 65:17

“He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The Lord has spoken. In that day they will say, 'Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the Lord; we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.” -Isaiah 25:8-9

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'” -Revelation 21:1-5

Reading those verses truly makes me long for my eternal home. Having the hope of heaven should effect how we live every single day. I am only in Uganda for a short time, when compared to my whole life, and I want to live each day here to its' fullest potential. I want God to work through me in mighty ways! While we are on earth, we should make the most of each day and live completely sold out for God. Our time on this earth is such a tiny portion of all of eternity, and God has us all here for a purpose. He created us with a mission. He has so much He wants to do in all of our individual lives and we just have to surrender to Him and trust Him with everything. So, I will leave you with one of my favorite verses...

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” -Hebrews 12:1-2

Pictures!

More Beautiful Sky

 This is Fazira

We're a little Crazy!

We had a friend in our room the first night

Playing basketball with the Suubi kids

:)

A few of my new sisters :) Solvi and Anna

The church at Suubi

These next pictures are all of Suubi...

It's so beautiful here! I love my new home :)

1

Suubi!

We are now in Suubi! On Saturday we moved to our new home, in Suubi Watoto Village. It is located about an hour outside of Kampala (depending on traffic) and it is absolutely gorgeous! The first night being out there, I was able to see so many stars, and it made my heart happy. I was surprised to find that the constellation Orion is straight up! (Orion is usually low on the horizon) :) I knew the stars would be different, but I hadn't actually realized it until then. It kinda blew my mind when I was trying to understand it. The sunsets are also gorgeous. I'm in love with our new home! 

Yesterday was our first day off since being there and it was so relaxing. Being in a house is so nice, and has such a different feel than a hotel. It's also great because we have a lot more freedom to just go for a walk and just explore if we want to, since we are in the Watoto Village and it is really safe. I spent most of the day at our house, and outside just chilling and reading and listening to music. Then in the evening I went and played basketball with a bunch of the kids who live in Suubi. They were really good, and I had so much fun! 

God has been faithful in so many ways, and I'm so thankful for everything He is doing. "Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare." -Psalm 40:5 This is already true, and I know it will continue to be as this journey unfolds more and more. 

I will hopefully post some pictures tomorrow. For now, thank you so much for all your prayers! They are so appreciated, and know that THEY MATTER :)

Mama Margaret

"Mzungu! Mzungu! Mzungu!"

I don't know how many times I heard this on Saturday. We got dropped off in a slum and as we walked through, there were so many kids that flocked to our group and to me and the other "mzungus" specifically. (Mzungu basically just means "white person") I had one little girl run right up to me and wrap her arms around my legs, and my heart melted. All I wanted to do was scoop her up and take her home with me! As we walked through, I felt almost numb. I had heard people try to explain what being in a slum makes you feel, and how it's so overwhelming emotionally, but I still wasn't prepared. We were there to visit our Living Hope client, Mama Margaret. 

Living Hope is a ministry of Watoto Church and its goal is "to restore dignity to vulnerable women in Africa". This is done in many ways, including: helping with basic necessities, providing medical care, education, and discipleship. If you want to take a minute to go to this web site, it will tell you all about it and there's a good video as well. 

Anyway, as a part of Watoto 360, we are split into groups of five and each group is assigned a Living Hope client, who we will visit 4-6 times during our time here. We will be getting to know her and also brainstorming some creative ways to help her. Saturday was our first day visiting Mama Margaret, and I was so unsure what to expect. She met us at our bus and walked with us back to her house and welcomed us in. We walked in and sat on her bed and around the room, very squished, with all of us touching knees to the person next to us. (there were actually eight of us there for this first time because a different group had to join us) It was tiny! The floor space was less than the bed. There was no light, and no windows. Just a door. It was simple and small. She has five kids, with two still living with her. I'm guessing they all sleep in the twin bed, unless someone sleeps on the floor. We went to encourage her, but after talking to her, she is the one who encouraged me! She is so happy and cheerful and full of life. She has nothing, and right now she doesn't have a way to support herself. She used to have a small business sewing things for people, but that died off, so she has nothing now. Despite all this, she left for a few minutes and came back with chips and juice for all of us. I felt so guilty for taking things from her when she has nothing, but she wanted to bless us and it would have been so rude to resist. We talked with her for about an hour and a half. She spoke quite a bit of English, which was really nice, and actually rare for people in the slums. She has a great sense of humor and is just such a sweet and genuine lady. We laughed, we talked, we sang, and then at the end we prayed. I had really pretty much felt nothing up until that point, but once we started praying, I don't even know how to describe how I felt. I had such a strong desire to help her, but I didn't know where to start, or even what to pray for. And then I began thinking about how many people around the world are living like her, or worse, and I felt so helpless.

 The whole experience made me realize how much our circumstances don't have to determine our attitudes or our level of contentment. Jesus is the answer to all of our problems, big or small, and if we keep our eyes fixed on Him, we can be full of joy no matter our circumstance. After we got back to the church, I had some time to myself and I read Psalm 30..."I will exalt you, O Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. O Lord, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit...You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." (verses 1-3, 11-12) These verses can be true for each and every person! They do not vary depending on different situations. When Jesus is all we need to be content, nothing in this world can bring us down. Being immersed in how people live like that, and yet still have so much joy, really touched me and first of all made me feel guilty, but then thankful. Yes, thankful for my life and all the blessings I have, but mostly for JESUS, who is our everything! The best part of all this is that we don't have to do any of it in our own strength. Yes, we can choose joy and choose contentment, but God is the one who gives us what we need to have both of those things. As Paul says... "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." 

-Philippians 4:12-13 

I saw this verse being lived out on Saturday, and it inspired me! I don't have to rely on anything except Jesus to satisfy my heart. He is more than enough and if I let Him, He will provide me with all the joy and strength that I need.

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

-Psalm 16:8-11

CHOOSE JOY!

Three weeks ago I was on an airplane at this time, somewhere over Africa probably. In some ways these few weeks feel like they flew by, but I also feel like I've been here forever! A few days ago I walked into Watoto Church Central, where all of our classes are, and I felt something that surprised me: I felt at home. When I realized what it was making me feel, I wasn't sure what to think. Part of me was so happy that it was finally feeling like home, but the other part was sad because I still felt connected to my other home, and didn't want to acknowledge that I have to give that up for a while. Over the past week it has really sunk in that I'm going to be here a while. Most things feel normal now, which is weird to even say, but it's true. The car rides on the very different roads, seeing random people walking all over at all times of the day, the food, the schedule of classes, the days off, Skype calls, the constant construction going on at the hotel, the different culture, all of it is my new normal and it's actually starting to feel like it. 

In the midst of all the change, I'm so thankful for the one thing that always stays the same. God is never going to change, no matter what happens in life, and that brings me so much peace. This week He has been teaching me the discipline of choosing joy each day. Each day I can wake up in a different mood, but He is helping me realize that no matter what mood I'm in, I can still choose joy because it's HIS joy, not mine. And He is ready to give it away freely and fill me up with it! As joy has been an ongoing theme, I wasn't necessarily surprised when I decided to listen to a sermon online from home, and it was all about having joy, no matter the circumstances. With that being such a huge theme, it's no wonder that it is exactly what the enemy is trying to get at. I know he wants to steal my joy, But I want to be like the Elizabeth Jordan in War Room...

"I am so sick of you stealing my joy. But that's changing too! My joy doesn't come from my friends, it doesn't come from my job, it doesn't even come from my husband (or fiance ;) )! My joy is found in JESUS. and just in case you forgot, He's already defeated you."

This gives me chills every time I listen to it. And it is something that needs addressed each and every day. I know I need to prepare for battle EVERY DAY, and I'm ready to take Satan down! So join me in prayer for JOY. And remember how important it is to be battling in prayer every day.


1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I don't think it's any coincidence that all of these things are linked together. We need to be praying, so that we can be thankful, which produces JOY. It all starts with prayer. 

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." -Ephesians 6:18

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." -Colossians 4:2

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." -Romans 12:12

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." -2 Chronicles 7:14

So as I continue this journey, my focus will be prayer and joy. I will be striving to choose joy each day and I will rely on HIS perfect joy to be my strength. 

Now for some pictures! 

This is the group of people in the worship internship program...Every Friday we will be doing an internship and I was able to join the worship! I will hopefully be helping lead worship in church soon!

The sunrises are amazing

This is my district group that I will be serving with every Sunday

Fresh mango/passion fruit juice-SO GOOD!

This was after a full ministry day on Saturday...We were all exhausted!

Dinner the other night was a chicken salad thing that came in a pineapple...

We like to play cards while we wait for dinner (it can take over an hour to come once we order)

A very fresh avocado salad from the hotel

This is lunch every day. There are some more options, but at this point this is all I can handle ;) I might branch out as time goes on

I found a taste of home at the supermarket and I was so excited!

The sunsets are amazing as well! :)

This is Suubi, where I will be living soon. It's amazingly beautiful

This is Jildo Tobias, one of the Watoto kids that my family sponsors! I had lunch with him and we talked for over an hour. This was definitely one of the highlights of the trip so far.

Well, that's all I have for now...May the Lord bless you and keep you!