Now What?

"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back?" -Frodo Baggins

No, I'm not going to run off to the Grey Havens, no worries. ;) But, I get what Frodo is saying about the fact that things cannot be the same after everything he experienced. The comparison isn't perfect, because my six months were not at all like his adventures with the ring, but we both went through life-altering events. I know I have changed. I view everything in a different light now. I'm not the same person I was. God has done incredible things in my heart. He has gently directed me and drawn me so close to Himself. I have learned things about Him in my time in Uganda that I want the whole world to know about. I want everyone to experience the closeness I feel with my Heavenly Father. I don't want to just jump back into reality and do everything the same as I did before I left. I can't do that. The changes that God did in my heart and mind won't allow me to do that. I know there is no going back. I've been home now for just over three weeks. I feel like I'm "back in the swing of things", in some ways. I'm driving, I'm planning a wedding, I'm spending time with family and friends, I'm watching movies, I'm working with kids at church, I'm eating American food, I'm able to take long, hot showers, I hear Michigan birds singing every morning, I crank up music with my brothers, I drink water right out of the tap without a second thought, and so many other "normal" things. But all the while, I have another world so prominent in my brain. 

There is another reality that I was a part of for six months. There is a city in Uganda where everything is still happening, just like it was a month ago. Mama Margaret is still in her small house, selling chapati and working hard so she can send her kids to school. There are many women just like her, who are doing everything they can to make sure their children get an education. There is a church that is shining so brightly and impacting people all over Uganda. There are 50+ people that I was with every day, who are preparing to start university. There are children going to school. There are children at juvenile detention centers, waiting to hear the verdict from the court to see if they will be able to go home. There are young girls who are pregnant, learning how to love the babies growing inside of them and learning skills that will help them care for their child once it is born. There are people rescuing children off the streets, caring for them, and working so hard to get them back to their families. There are people working to give treatment to those who have Hiv/AIDS.  There are pastors who have an amazing vision for the city of Kampala, and for the whole country, who are working every day to see the vision become reality. There are people preparing for the next group of 360 students, who will begin in just over 5 months. God is on the move in Uganda.

That is what I was a part of for six months. That became my "normal". And 25 days ago, I said goodbye to that reality. I was the first of the international students to leave. My housemates (aka my second family) all came with me to the airport and we said goodbye. It had not sunk in that I wouldn't do life with them ever again. It had not sunk in that I might not see some of them ever again on this earth. It had not sunk in that our adventure together was officially over. It felt like I would wake up the next day, in our house in Suubi, and we would go back to class again. My brain couldn't comprehend the fact that I was actually going home. I got on the plane, and after 20+ hours of total travel, 16 hours in the air, a missed connection, lots of lines, enough airplane food to last me forever, and lots of security checks, I finally walked through the doors and saw Jake for the first time. The next week seems like a blur. I saw so many people and had many overwhelming experiences. Everything seems to be pretty much the same as when I left, but for me it isn't. I can't just go through life the same way I did, essentially oblivious to what is going on all around the world. We can watch videos and look at pictures and hear stories, but living in it and being surrounded by it every day is so different. 

So, the big question is...NOW WHAT? I know things can't be the same, so how should they be? How should I be? How do I fit back in to this world, when I don't want to "fit in"? There is only one place to find the answer, and that is in God's word. He has mapped out how we should live, and He even came and actually lived it. And not only does He show us how to live, He helps us live it. He walks right beside us, ready to catch us when we fall. I know this is true, because I experienced it every day. I know He is there, and we always say we can do nothing without Him, but through the last six months, I felt it every single day. I was so aware that I could do absolutely nothing without Him. I had no choice but to rely on Him, and He sustained and provided every day. EVERY DAY. He didn't take a break. He was by my side every single step of the journey. 

My relationship with God has grown so much. Shared experiences is one of the biggest things that brings people together. I remember one of the adventure trips I went on with Powerhouse, out to Wyoming. It was the second day and we came to an extremely difficult challenge, where we couldn't have done it on our own. We had to descend down a steep side of a mountain, because we had lost the trail and were trying to get back on track. We were forced to rely on each other and trust each other. In the moment, it was hard and honestly not very fun. I personally just couldn't wait to be through it, and be safe at the bottom. But, as much as we were all relieved to be done, we ended up being so thankful for that challenge. That experience shaped our team and drew us all closer than I ever thought we could be. The rest of the trip was simply amazing, and we were so unified. By the time we came home, we were like a family, after only one week. The same thing happened with me and God. The reliance and helping each other was a little one-sided, but the concept is still the same. I felt Him with me everywhere I went, and even when I didn't feel it, I know He was still there. There were many times when, in the moment, I just couldn't wait for it to be over. But as I look back on the difficult things I went through, I wouldn't change them for anything, because they are the very things that strengthened my relationship with Him the most. 

Uganda was my adventure trip with God. I learned so much more about Him and His character than I ever could have imagined. He is so faithful, loving, gentle, kind, forgiving, compassionate, just, jealous, fatherly, and trustworthy. I knew all those things before I left, but He revealed them to me in a whole new way. One major thing I realized when I got back was about trust. My "life verse" is Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." Before I left, I would say I trusted God with my whole heart. I trusted Him because I knew it was the right thing to do. I trusted Him because He had shown me He was trustworthy, through other experiences I had been through. To me, trusting Him was the logical thing to do. But it is so much more than just logic. Now, I can say that I trust Him because I love Him, and I understand on a deeper level, His amazing love for me. I now trust Him because I honestly WANT to, it's not just that I feel like I HAVE to. The same is true when it comes to obeying Him. It all ties into trust, but now I want to obey Him because I love Him, not just because I know I have to. My relationship with God is precious to me. He is my best friend and loving father. He is my sustainer and protector. He is my refuge and strength. He is everything to me. 

So, now what? Well, now I want to do everything I do with a purpose. I want my love for God to be the motive behind every action. I want to pour His love out on everyone I see. I want to help people come to the place where they can honestly say that God is their best friend. I want to live out everything I have learned. I want to shine His light brightly in this dark world. I want to build His kingdom. I want Him to use me in whatever way He sees fit. Pastor Calvin Oule was the leader of 360, and he always told us "360 starts at the end of the six months." The mission of Watoto 360 is "Discipling a whole person, to transform a whole community, and the whole world." That starts NOW. That is the "Now what".

Gulu, and More

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
-Colossians 3:1-2

How to begin... First off, I honestly can't say thank you enough for all of your prayers. The last week I spent in Gulu were so incredible, and God gave me the ability to live in the moment and really invest in what I was doing, and in the people. I gained a Ugandan family, I deepened relationships with classmates, and I just had an amazing time. Gulu will always have a special place in my heart, and it has been one of the highlights of my whole time here. I stayed with one of the families in the Watoto Village and felt so at home and so welcomed. I am so grateful for their kindness and hospitality. We had great talks, played games, the girls braided my hair, and it was so fun to be a part of their family for a few days. 

Coming home to Suubi did crazy things in my heart. I realized how at home I feel here, and I realized how much I'm going to miss it. And also, not staying in the same house as the other internationals made me realize how much I'm going to miss them as well. The countdown to coming home home continues, as my heart is also so ready to be home. There is such an interesting whirlwind of emotions going on inside of me, from longing for home to the little pit in my stomach when I think about leaving. Change is not easy. Coming here was not easy, and leaving will not be easy. If God was not unchanging, I don't know what I would do. But He is! He will never change, in the midst of everything this life brings. I have learned how truly important it is to keep my mind and heart set on Him and on Heaven. I would fall apart if I wasn't standing on Him as my rock, my foundation, my stronghold, and my refuge. He is the only thing that is constant, and I have learned  to cling to that truth. When the winds of life start blowing all different directions, He is my stake in the ground that I can always hold on to and rely on. His promises never change. He is perfect in every way, and I have so much peace when that is what I focus on. 

With just over three weeks left until I come home, my goal is to continue to take one day at a time, like I have from the very beginning. I want to embrace everything God has in store for each day. I want to be available for Him to use me in whatever way He can. 

I'm ready to be home. I get so giddy and excited and can hardly contain myself when I think about stepping off the plane and finally being home. But again, I know God has much more in store for the last three weeks, and I don't want to miss it. Please continue to pray for me to keep living in the moment. Prayer is so powerful!! And please also pray for all the transition coming up. I appreciate all of you so much. Thank you for praying for me and standing with me during these months. I can't wait to see you all!

Good Good Father

I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like. But I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night. And you tell me that you're pleased and that I'm never alone.

You're a good good father, it's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are. And I'm loved by you, it's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am.

I've seen many searching for answers far and wide. But I know we're all searching for answers only you provide. Cause you know just what we need before we say a word.

You're a good good father, it's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are. And I'm loved by you, it's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am.

You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways to us.

Love so undeniable I, I can hardly speak. And peace so unexplainable I, I can hardly think. As you call me deeper still, yes you call me deeper still, oh you call me deeper still, into love, love love.

You're a good good father, it's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are. And I'm loved by you, it's who I am, it's who I am, it's who I am.

You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways to us.

We sang this song in service on Saturday, and I couldn't think of a better way to share what God has been doing in my heart recently. Many times when I'm sad or really miss home, I feel guilty about it and just try so hard to not feel that way. But every time I have gone to God, instead of coming down on me for feeling the way I do, He holds His arms wide open and comforts me. Over and over He has given me exactly what my heart needed. He understands how I feel, and He isn't mad at me for it. He just wants me to come to Him, so He can comfort me and give me the strength I need. In the midst of sadness, He provides a deep joy that is not my own. Feeling sad and being joyful at the same time is not something I had experienced before coming here, but now I have. It is really amazing how God can fill us with joy, no matter what we are going through and no matter what we are feeling. I have been at the very end of myself so many times this trip, and He always carries me through. He is always faithful, and provides everything I need. He has blessed me in so many ways. Every day I understand more of His unfathomable love for me. He holds my heart so close to Him, and He takes such good care of me. 

I now have exactly 40 days until my plane lands in Detroit. I can't believe May is almost over, and already as I look back on the last five months I'm amazed by everything God has done. As much as I'm ready to be home, I'm also excited to see what God has in store for this last month. 

I know I can't do this on my own, but He is a good good father. And He is answering your prayers. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for praying for me. Please continue to pray that I will live in the moment this last month, and that I will take advantage of each day I have left here. 

Together

I recently watched the Avengers and was struck by so much truth that was building on a major thing God has been teaching me, which is UNITY. In the first Avengers, Loki comes in and lets himself be captured, so that he can get on the inside and get them all to go against themselves and tear each other apart. They are all so different. They have different strengths and weaknesses, different opinions on some pretty major things, different personalities, and Loki was using all of that to turn them against each other. He knew that if they were divided, they would fall apart. But then...they are faced with a battle for which they desperately need each other. After realizing and overcoming what Loki was trying to do, they forgot their differences and focused on the mission: saving the earth. When they finally come together and fight their enemies in harmony and with one goal, it is a beautiful thing. There is one particular scene when they are all rising up to the plate and preparing to battle, and it gave me chills. They face Loki and his army as a team - as one unit working together, using all of their strengths. They gain victory when they are united. They are so committed to their cause that they are willing to die for it, and for each other.

So now onto what God has been teaching me...The last few months I have been reading through the New Testament, and this time through I have noticed how much Jesus, Paul, and all the other writers, talk about our relationships with other believers. Here is part of Jesus' prayer in John 17:20-23:

“My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them as you loved me.” John 17:20-23

He prayed for all of us believers to be unified, so the world would believe. He could have prayed for so many things, but He chose unity. He knows how important it is, and so does our enemy. Satan is always looking for ways to tear us apart and bring divisions between us as a body of Christ. He knows how powerful we can be when we are united, so he wants to make sure that doesn't happen. Life is full of interactions with people, and how we interact as the body of Christ has such an impact on the world. Paul knew that, and focuses so much on unity and on loving each other:

“I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.” 1 Corinthians 1:10

“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” -Ephesians 4:2-3

“The entire law is summed up in a single command: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” Galatians 5:14-15

I could go on and on with scriptures talking about this. The point is, unity is so important. So, how do we achieve this unity? Do we just try harder to be nice to each other? As I was reading through the New Testament, and realizing all this, I was starting to get frustrated with the church. I was thinking, “Why can't people just love each other?” It was all about “them”. And then God hit me with this verse:

“But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” 1 John 1:7

It's not about “them”. It's about my relationship with God. If we walk in the light, with God, we will have fellowship with each other. First and foremost, it's about my own relationship with God. I need to start with the man in the mirror and work on myself, and that will lead to unity with other believers. I can't love others if I don't love God. The next one that God hit me with was 1 John 2:9:

“Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness.”

Wow. Talk about being convicted. It's not saying that we have to love people in order to be “qualified” to walk in the light, but rather, our love for people is evidence that we are in the light. So here I was pointing my finger at everyone else, and God turned it right back around and pointed it at me. I need to focus on my relationship with HIM. I need to be constantly filling myself with His love, so that I can pour it out onto others.

I want to be more aware of the dividing tactics of the enemy. I can't fight a battle if I don't know it's taking place. I need to fall in love with God more every day so that I can love others. Satan attacks our relationship with God because he knows God is the only one who can fulfill us and he doesn't want that. He comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He knows true joy is found in God alone. He is the father of lies and convinces us that that isn't true. But I've realized that there is another reason why He attacks our relationship with God: he knows it directly influences our relationships with our brothers and sisters. He is constantly building walls between us and bringing division. I want to put him in his place. I want to claim victory in Jesus! I want to make God my absolute top priority. I want to be digging into His word and continually be in prayer, and it's no wonder that it's such a battle to do that. Satan knows everything hinges on my relationship with God.

It seems impossible sometimes to have unity. We are so different. How could God take all of us, and create something beautiful? How could I possibly love the people who just simply annoy me? How can we have true unity with each other, when we have such different backgrounds, personalities, and opinions? The answer is we can't. We aren't capable of achieving this unity. BUT....God. I am so thankful for all the “but God”s in the Bible. We have the power of the Holy Spirit living in us. We have something that can connect us in a way that is deeper than anything in the whole world.

“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7

Being here in Uganda has opened my eyes to the unity that is possible in Him. I'm best friends with people who were complete strangers only four months ago. I already feel at home in a church that is so different from what I know and am used to. I'm in a class with 60 other people who are all from different backgrounds. We have our disagreements and issues, but when it comes down to it, they are my brothers and sisters, and God is teaching me how to love each of them for who they are. I have to constantly ask Him for help, because I run out of my own love so quickly. If I'm not filled with Him, I am simply not the person I want to be. That is why I am also learning the importance of spending time with Him every single day. My relationship with God directly affects every other part of life.

The bottom line is, we are called to love God, and love people...And if we ask Him, He will provide what we need to do just that.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

Heaven's Gates and Hell's Flames

This week, I stood and watched 29 different times, as people walked down the aisles to accept Jesus into their hearts. Each time it gave me chills and just made me so happy, and I was in awe of what God was doing. I saw tears in people's eyes as they decided to make the most important decision of their lives. I saw the pure faith of little children, as they ran down the aisles to Jesus. I can't describe how amazing it was.

As 360, we were helping serve at an evangelistic drama that Watoto Church was putting on. It is called Heaven's Gates and Hell's Flames. There were four shows a day, for seven days, and the last day an extra one was added because so many people were still in line, waiting to watch! The drama consists of multiple skits where people are going about their normal lives, die unexpectedly, and wake up at heaven's gates. They asked the angel who is holding the Book of Life, if their name was in the book. If it wasn't, Satan would come out from hell (one of the corners of the stage) with his demons, and drag them away. But if it was, Jesus would come out and welcome them into heaven. It was about an hour and a half of different scenarios and different kinds of people. At the end of the show, a song would play and Jesus would come out and beckon people in the crowd to come. In almost every show, the first one to go was a child. I was serving up in the balcony, helping direct people down to the front, and one of the shows I had a little boy come up to me who was probably around 6 or 7. He simply said “I want to go to Jesus”. He melted my heart, and taught me a lesson. To be honest, part of me was skeptical of all the kids going up. I was doubting whether or not they actually understood what was happening, and wondering if they were just doing it for show, or because others were doing it. But after seeing this little boy, with so much desire just to go to Jesus, my mindset changed. It didn't matter if he didn't totally understand. He had the exact attitude that Jesus talked about in Luke 18:16-17, “But Jesus called the children to him and said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.'” Jesus wants us to abandon everything else and just rely completely on Him. He wants us to come to Him like little children, with pure faith and total trust. I've read this verse about the little children so many times, but this week I saw it happening, and it was amazing.

The whole thing was such a celebration! As ushers, we were cheering and clapping as people made their way to the front. Every time someone would stand up, the cheering would get louder. We were just joining in the party that was happening in heaven. :) I am so thankful that I was able to be a part of this whole production. I learned a lot, about relying on God for strength during the long days, and about how our entire purpose on this earth is to build His kingdom and bring Him glory.

One of the times during the show that Satan came out on the stage, I was struck by the thought that he really does everything he does because he hates God. He goes after us because he knows God loves us. So I reversed it in my mind: if I love God, I should be going after all the lost souls, because He loves them. I'm realizing more and more that life is not about me. It is all about loving God, and I show Him I love Him by obeying His commands: “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” -Matthew 14:15, and He has commanded to make disciples: “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” -Matthew 28:19-20.  

So I'll leave you with a picture of one of the moments of celebration...during this particular show, the angels on the stage had to move to make room for all the people coming coming up. It was truly breathtaking. God is doing amazing things, all around the world, and I want to be ready for Him to use me in whatever way He wants to. 

Thank you all so much for your prayers! Coming up, we have pretty normal weeks: classes, ministry, internships. Please pray that I will let God fill me with His joy and His love for the people all around me. I love you all! May the Lord bless you and keep you.

When I Am Weak...

“I delight myself in you, captivated by your beauty. I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed by you. God I run into your arms, unashamed because of mercy. I'm overwhelmed, I'm overwhelmed by you.”

      That is the best way to describe this last week. I don't even know where to start. God is opening up my mind to so much more of who He is than He ever has, and it truly is overwhelming. He has poured His love, joy, peace, mercy, comfort, and so many other things on me. He is such a good Father. At the beginning of this week, I was nervous because I had it set in my mind that it was going to be a really difficult week. We were told we would have more intense classes and longer days, so I was expecting to be exhausted. But God used it as a chance to teach me so much! It was like He said, “You think this is going to be a rough week? Well let me prove to you how much I can sustain you. Here's all the joy and energy you need!” We did have longer days. We did have longer and more intense classes. But when we are weak, HE IS STRONG! I woke up every morning feeling so refreshed and joyful and ready for the day. I lived this verse this week... “But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 So I just want to give Jesus so much glory! He has displayed His power in my weakness, and He deserves every single ounce of credit.

       On Sunday when I first woke up, I was feeling pretty tired and a little down, and just not excited for the day. But by the time breakfast was over, it was a complete turnaround in my heart. I can't explain it, I just felt like something was carrying me, and I know it was God. Satan tried to get at me, but he failed miserably! Every day is a battle, and I have had so much victory. There was definitely a battle going on in my heart that morning. I was trying so hard to choose joy, but at first I was not succeeding. I felt like Paul, in Romans 7:15 “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” I didn't want to be down, I wanted to choose joy! But it was such a struggle. Paul continues is verses 24-25: “What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God-through Jesus Christ our Lord!” I just love the contrast of those two verses. And then comes chapter 8, one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. Paul just gets so excited! He starts with how we have been set free from sin and death, and how we are controlled by the Spirit. He continues and talks about Heaven and how “our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” (verse 18) And then he keeps building, talking about the Spirit interceding for us when we are too weak to pray, and “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (verse 31), and then he gets all excited about God raising Christ from the dead. And then he ends the chapter with such an amazing truth... “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (verses 37-39) So pretty much, WE HAVE VICTORY! And it was nothing I did to receive it on Sunday. It was all Jesus. He filled me with His joy and gave me everything I needed. He sustained me through the entire day, and all the glory goes to Him. This has been the theme of the entire trip: Me getting discouraged or just feeling down, and then God doing all the work to fill me with joy and energy. 

     

       I led devotions last night for our group of internationals, and I was talking about going through hard situations. When God takes me through challenges, or things that I really can't do on my own, I become so much more effective, because everything I do has to be done through God's strength and not my own. When I love people with God's love instead of my own, it makes such a bigger impact, and then He gets all the glory. Allowing myself to be stretched not only helps me grow, but also allows me to be more of a blessing to those around me. 

      I remember at the end of January, I was talking with my dad and was telling him that I had already learned a ton, why couldn't God just bring me home then? What more could possibly teach me? But now, almost two months later, I wouldn't traded all of these experiences for anything. He has taught me so much more than I ever could have imagined. I'm tempted to say the same thing again...why can't God just bring me home now? I have already learned so much! But I know He has even more in store, and my work here is not yet done. So I will keep relying on Him to strengthen me and sustain me. I will keep pressing into Him. I will keep seeking His will every day. And all the glory goes to HIM. 

      I don't take all your prayers for granted. I would not be where I am without everyone who is praying for me. So thank you, thank you, thank you! Please continue to pray that I will let Him carry me through everything, and that I will truly love people with His love. 

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen."
-Ephesians 3:20-21

     

Just a Glimpse

I was sitting in a taxi on the way back to Watoto Church Central on Sunday, after serving at one of the other celebration points, when I noticed two young girls weaving their way through the traffic. They were probably about 10 and 12 years old, and one of them saw me through the window and just came right up and put her hands on the glass and was waving at me. What did she want? I don't know. I waved back and our taxi kept moving, past so many people and places. So many stories. So much joy, so much heartbreak. Every day as I pass the same places and see different people going about their lives, I wish I could capture everything in a picture, but it's difficult to do from a moving vehicle. So on our way home last night, I had my phone out and my eyes peeled, and I took note of a bunch of different things I saw. I want to let you into my world a little, so here is the list...

Goats eating green grass on the edge of a hill by the road
A Blur of brown roofs and green trees against a blue sky
Worn posters on every flat surface
Building that are halfway finished
A group of children playing soccer on a dirt field
A man sitting under an umbrella with a pile of mangos in front of him
Worn Clothes hanging on lines all over
A woman balancing a large pile of folded clothes on her head as she walks along the road
Garbage spilling over the side of a hill
A gate around a house with barbed wire all along the top
A street lined with clothes, shoes, matoke, backpacks, potatoes, pineapple, hats, and all sorts of fruit and veggies
"Airtime" and  "mobile money" signs everywhere!
Makeshift umbrellas over roadside businesses to keep the sun off
Taxis stuffed as full as they can be with people
A boda boda with chickens hanging off ever side
Papyrus fields galore
A boda boda with an umbrella
A bright green Toyota car in the middle of poverty
A young boy carrying a box on his head and things around his neck to sell
A man working on shaping the head of a bed
Bed frames lining the road
The bed of a truck overflowing with pineapples
A man riding on top of a truck, filled with cows
Boda boda guys lined up, having a casual conversation
Random piles of bricks and rocks
Beautiful, elaborate metal doors for sale
A stork flying high in the sky
Two men washing a car with water from jerry cans and and sponges
A woman on a mat in the middle of her yard, just sitting
Coca cola banners above the entrance to a supermarket
"2,900 UG shillings for a liter of gas"
Sideless barns full of lumber
Shop after shop with the most random things for sale: lawn chairs, backpack, flower pots, shovels, mattresses
Purple and blue metal bunk bed frames
White manikins with African clothes
A line of cars slowing down because of the many speed bumps
Cars whizzing by "Stop, police check" signs
A man with a stack of 4 square (8 by 8) egg cartons balanced on his head
A pile of jeans, 5 feet high at least
Shops with bars at the entrance so no one can enter, just order from outside
Random hills that just seem to pop up everywhere
A boda boda driver with a winter coat on in HOT weather (over 80 degrees)
Men working in Small Gardens along the road
A single boy breakdancing in the middle of a soccer field
A cow tied to a rope eating grass
A field of lined up bricks
Clothes laying in the grass to dry in the sun
A goat nibbling on grass by a pile of bricks
Brick walls that look like they don't serve any purpose
A man with dress pants and a button up shirt, walking to the beat coming from his headphones

This is only a small glimpse of what I see every day. It is so different from home, but even in the midst of the drastic differences, GOD NEVER CHANGES. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever, no matter where we go. This week He has been teaching me so much about His love for me, and my love for Him. He has shown me that literally, everything I do, I should do out of love for Him. He is overwhelming me with His love and joy, and it's truly amazing. I am learning so much about life and love and contentment and true joy. It's incredible. God is so good!

Home Sweet Home

There is something so special about HOME. Home is where we feel safe and comfortable. Home is something that I am longing for. Uganda is not my home. I am a stranger here, and it is very evident! People stare at me because it is so obvious that I don't belong here. Even though this is not where I belong, I am still living here for the time being. I live in a house with my international family, and every day we come “home”. God is doing to many incredible things, and I know I am right where He wants me to be. He has made it so clear that this trip is part of His plan for me and I am learning so much, but there is a constant void in my heart. I have a deep longing for my true home and for being where I belong. I long for my culture and just simply familiarity. I long for all the feelings that being home brings. Despite the longing, I am still filled with God's joy! He is so faithful and always gives me strength to carry on each day. In my obedience, He is right by my side. God has helped me with living in the now, and making the most of each day here, and not just “getting through it” and wishing it away. At the same time, there is always a pull in my heart toward home, even when I feel like I am fully present here.

As I work through all my feelings and emotions, I can't help but think about how great of an analogy this is:

"My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God." -Psalm 84:2

“But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.” -Philippians 3:20

“I am a stranger on earth, do not hide your commands from me.”

 -Psalm 119:19

“For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed, but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.”

-2 Corinthians 5:5

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” -John 14:1-3

The way I feel when I long for my home in Big Rapids, Michigan, is the way I want to feel about heaven. This is not where I belong. I am not home, no matter where I am on this earth. I know deep down that I belong in heaven, but I want to live every day with that knowledge at the front of my mind. I want it to be evident to people around me that this is not where I belong, and that my home is somewhere else.

While I'm in Uganda, I know that God has me here for a purpose. I know that this is part of His perfect plan, and so I am striving to live each day to advance His kingdom and bring glory to Him. At the same time, I would be overjoyed if for some reason I felt Him calling me to go back home. In the same way, while I'm on this earth, I know that God has me here for a purpose and I want to live each day to advance His kingdom and bring glory to Him. But also, at the same time, I want to live in anticipation of heaven and of Jesus' second coming...

“I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 3:14

“But in keeping with his promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness.” -2 Peter 3:13

“Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.” -Colossians 3:1-4

So as I continue to live in a place where I don't belong, God is teaching me that it is not wrong to long for home. It's actually something that He has instilled in me. Living in another country and in a different culture has been so eye-opening for me and really shows me how I should feel all the time! Heaven is going to be so much better than our imaginations can even begin to comprehend. So all we can do is trust God's perfect plan and believe His word.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'” -Revelation 21:1-5

“Behold, I will create a new heaven and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind.” -Isaiah 65:17

“He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The Lord has spoken. In that day they will say, 'Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the Lord; we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.” -Isaiah 25:8-9

"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.' He who was seated on the throne said, 'I am making everything new!' Then he said, 'Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.'” -Revelation 21:1-5

Reading those verses truly makes me long for my eternal home. Having the hope of heaven should effect how we live every single day. I am only in Uganda for a short time, when compared to my whole life, and I want to live each day here to its' fullest potential. I want God to work through me in mighty ways! While we are on earth, we should make the most of each day and live completely sold out for God. Our time on this earth is such a tiny portion of all of eternity, and God has us all here for a purpose. He created us with a mission. He has so much He wants to do in all of our individual lives and we just have to surrender to Him and trust Him with everything. So, I will leave you with one of my favorite verses...

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” -Hebrews 12:1-2

Pictures!

More Beautiful Sky

 This is Fazira

We're a little Crazy!

We had a friend in our room the first night

Playing basketball with the Suubi kids

:)

A few of my new sisters :) Solvi and Anna

The church at Suubi

These next pictures are all of Suubi...

It's so beautiful here! I love my new home :)

1

Suubi!

We are now in Suubi! On Saturday we moved to our new home, in Suubi Watoto Village. It is located about an hour outside of Kampala (depending on traffic) and it is absolutely gorgeous! The first night being out there, I was able to see so many stars, and it made my heart happy. I was surprised to find that the constellation Orion is straight up! (Orion is usually low on the horizon) :) I knew the stars would be different, but I hadn't actually realized it until then. It kinda blew my mind when I was trying to understand it. The sunsets are also gorgeous. I'm in love with our new home! 

Yesterday was our first day off since being there and it was so relaxing. Being in a house is so nice, and has such a different feel than a hotel. It's also great because we have a lot more freedom to just go for a walk and just explore if we want to, since we are in the Watoto Village and it is really safe. I spent most of the day at our house, and outside just chilling and reading and listening to music. Then in the evening I went and played basketball with a bunch of the kids who live in Suubi. They were really good, and I had so much fun! 

God has been faithful in so many ways, and I'm so thankful for everything He is doing. "Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you planned for us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare." -Psalm 40:5 This is already true, and I know it will continue to be as this journey unfolds more and more. 

I will hopefully post some pictures tomorrow. For now, thank you so much for all your prayers! They are so appreciated, and know that THEY MATTER :)

Mama Margaret

"Mzungu! Mzungu! Mzungu!"

I don't know how many times I heard this on Saturday. We got dropped off in a slum and as we walked through, there were so many kids that flocked to our group and to me and the other "mzungus" specifically. (Mzungu basically just means "white person") I had one little girl run right up to me and wrap her arms around my legs, and my heart melted. All I wanted to do was scoop her up and take her home with me! As we walked through, I felt almost numb. I had heard people try to explain what being in a slum makes you feel, and how it's so overwhelming emotionally, but I still wasn't prepared. We were there to visit our Living Hope client, Mama Margaret. 

Living Hope is a ministry of Watoto Church and its goal is "to restore dignity to vulnerable women in Africa". This is done in many ways, including: helping with basic necessities, providing medical care, education, and discipleship. If you want to take a minute to go to this web site, it will tell you all about it and there's a good video as well. 

Anyway, as a part of Watoto 360, we are split into groups of five and each group is assigned a Living Hope client, who we will visit 4-6 times during our time here. We will be getting to know her and also brainstorming some creative ways to help her. Saturday was our first day visiting Mama Margaret, and I was so unsure what to expect. She met us at our bus and walked with us back to her house and welcomed us in. We walked in and sat on her bed and around the room, very squished, with all of us touching knees to the person next to us. (there were actually eight of us there for this first time because a different group had to join us) It was tiny! The floor space was less than the bed. There was no light, and no windows. Just a door. It was simple and small. She has five kids, with two still living with her. I'm guessing they all sleep in the twin bed, unless someone sleeps on the floor. We went to encourage her, but after talking to her, she is the one who encouraged me! She is so happy and cheerful and full of life. She has nothing, and right now she doesn't have a way to support herself. She used to have a small business sewing things for people, but that died off, so she has nothing now. Despite all this, she left for a few minutes and came back with chips and juice for all of us. I felt so guilty for taking things from her when she has nothing, but she wanted to bless us and it would have been so rude to resist. We talked with her for about an hour and a half. She spoke quite a bit of English, which was really nice, and actually rare for people in the slums. She has a great sense of humor and is just such a sweet and genuine lady. We laughed, we talked, we sang, and then at the end we prayed. I had really pretty much felt nothing up until that point, but once we started praying, I don't even know how to describe how I felt. I had such a strong desire to help her, but I didn't know where to start, or even what to pray for. And then I began thinking about how many people around the world are living like her, or worse, and I felt so helpless.

 The whole experience made me realize how much our circumstances don't have to determine our attitudes or our level of contentment. Jesus is the answer to all of our problems, big or small, and if we keep our eyes fixed on Him, we can be full of joy no matter our circumstance. After we got back to the church, I had some time to myself and I read Psalm 30..."I will exalt you, O Lord, for you lifted me out of the depths and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me. O Lord, you brought me up from the grave; you spared me from going down into the pit...You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever." (verses 1-3, 11-12) These verses can be true for each and every person! They do not vary depending on different situations. When Jesus is all we need to be content, nothing in this world can bring us down. Being immersed in how people live like that, and yet still have so much joy, really touched me and first of all made me feel guilty, but then thankful. Yes, thankful for my life and all the blessings I have, but mostly for JESUS, who is our everything! The best part of all this is that we don't have to do any of it in our own strength. Yes, we can choose joy and choose contentment, but God is the one who gives us what we need to have both of those things. As Paul says... "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength." 

-Philippians 4:12-13 

I saw this verse being lived out on Saturday, and it inspired me! I don't have to rely on anything except Jesus to satisfy my heart. He is more than enough and if I let Him, He will provide me with all the joy and strength that I need.

"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

-Psalm 16:8-11

CHOOSE JOY!

Three weeks ago I was on an airplane at this time, somewhere over Africa probably. In some ways these few weeks feel like they flew by, but I also feel like I've been here forever! A few days ago I walked into Watoto Church Central, where all of our classes are, and I felt something that surprised me: I felt at home. When I realized what it was making me feel, I wasn't sure what to think. Part of me was so happy that it was finally feeling like home, but the other part was sad because I still felt connected to my other home, and didn't want to acknowledge that I have to give that up for a while. Over the past week it has really sunk in that I'm going to be here a while. Most things feel normal now, which is weird to even say, but it's true. The car rides on the very different roads, seeing random people walking all over at all times of the day, the food, the schedule of classes, the days off, Skype calls, the constant construction going on at the hotel, the different culture, all of it is my new normal and it's actually starting to feel like it. 

In the midst of all the change, I'm so thankful for the one thing that always stays the same. God is never going to change, no matter what happens in life, and that brings me so much peace. This week He has been teaching me the discipline of choosing joy each day. Each day I can wake up in a different mood, but He is helping me realize that no matter what mood I'm in, I can still choose joy because it's HIS joy, not mine. And He is ready to give it away freely and fill me up with it! As joy has been an ongoing theme, I wasn't necessarily surprised when I decided to listen to a sermon online from home, and it was all about having joy, no matter the circumstances. With that being such a huge theme, it's no wonder that it is exactly what the enemy is trying to get at. I know he wants to steal my joy, But I want to be like the Elizabeth Jordan in War Room...

"I am so sick of you stealing my joy. But that's changing too! My joy doesn't come from my friends, it doesn't come from my job, it doesn't even come from my husband (or fiance ;) )! My joy is found in JESUS. and just in case you forgot, He's already defeated you."

This gives me chills every time I listen to it. And it is something that needs addressed each and every day. I know I need to prepare for battle EVERY DAY, and I'm ready to take Satan down! So join me in prayer for JOY. And remember how important it is to be battling in prayer every day.


1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says: "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." I don't think it's any coincidence that all of these things are linked together. We need to be praying, so that we can be thankful, which produces JOY. It all starts with prayer. 

"And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." -Ephesians 6:18

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful." -Colossians 4:2

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." -Romans 12:12

"If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land." -2 Chronicles 7:14

So as I continue this journey, my focus will be prayer and joy. I will be striving to choose joy each day and I will rely on HIS perfect joy to be my strength. 

Now for some pictures! 

This is the group of people in the worship internship program...Every Friday we will be doing an internship and I was able to join the worship! I will hopefully be helping lead worship in church soon!

The sunrises are amazing

This is my district group that I will be serving with every Sunday

Fresh mango/passion fruit juice-SO GOOD!

This was after a full ministry day on Saturday...We were all exhausted!

Dinner the other night was a chicken salad thing that came in a pineapple...

We like to play cards while we wait for dinner (it can take over an hour to come once we order)

A very fresh avocado salad from the hotel

This is lunch every day. There are some more options, but at this point this is all I can handle ;) I might branch out as time goes on

I found a taste of home at the supermarket and I was so excited!

The sunsets are amazing as well! :)

This is Suubi, where I will be living soon. It's amazingly beautiful

This is Jildo Tobias, one of the Watoto kids that my family sponsors! I had lunch with him and we talked for over an hour. This was definitely one of the highlights of the trip so far.

Well, that's all I have for now...May the Lord bless you and keep you!